Navigating the Holidays During COVID

Grieve What You’re Losing

If I’m honest, the idea of grieving another wave of COVID-losses seems exhausting. In March, this seemed like a necessary and helpful exercise for the sake of my mental health. Now though, that still may be true, but there is a weariness that comes with realizing that this is another wave of losses and probably not the last one. Here’s why I think it matters though– if we don’t name the losses we’re experiencing, we’re likely to paste on a face of forced holiday cheer but left feeling empty or sad and then feeling guilty for being anything but joyful during “the most wonderful time of the year.” 

So name them. Maybe you won’t be able to travel to see family that you only see every  year at Christmas, maybe you can’t get together for your annual ugly sweater party with your best friends, maybe you can’t afford to buy presents for your loved ones the way you have in other years. Maybe you’ve lost someone during this year and haven’t been able to grieve with family or commemorate them the way you’d like to. Maybe their seat will be empty this year around the holiday table and it just feels like too much on top of everything else 2020 has thrown at us. It could be big things that you feel like you’re losing or it could be the little details, but either way we’re all losing something and it’s worth sitting down and maybe even making a list of what it is for you. 

Identify What Matters Most 

 Now that you have a sense of what you are most sad about changing this year, take some time to think about why those things matter to you in the first place. Each of those things have become something you practice or look forward to each year for a reason and I bet that you can categorize some of them into groups. Consider these questions as you reflect on what matters most.

• What do you most value about the holiday season that makes it different from other times of the year? 
• Who do you spend time with during the holidays that brings you joy? 
• What activities do you do that have resulted in great memories or stories in years past?
•  What dishes do you make or decor do you use that makes you feel most at home or celebratory? 

It’s likely that everything that you identified cannot be done in the exact way it’s always been done, but I would bet with a little bit of thought and creativity there are ways that you can incorporate the essence of each of them into your celebrations. 

Anticipate What Could Be 

2020 is the year where you don’t have to do any of the things you don’t want to without a lot of guilt or explanation– and that is something to celebrate! Do you always dread the extended family Christmas party or the office Secret Santa? Are you repeatedly stressed out by the marathon driving event of making it to each family member’s celebration? This is the year where these things may not be happening or there is likely an easy no to be given and it is understood that we’re in a pandemic. 

Consider what you’ve always dreamed your Thanksgiving or Christmas could look like if you didn’t have the expectations of others and the things you always do out of routine or duty. Have you always wanted to stay home in your PJs all day on Christmas and just relax? Have you always wanted to skip the turkey and just eat foods that you actually are excited about on Thanksgiving? You have the opportunity to try some new traditions or to skip some old ones and this could actually give you a new perspective on how you want to celebrate the holidays even when things feel “normal” again.  

Coping With What’s Hard 

It’s likely that this holiday season will bring about new challenges and possibly new mental health concerns that you’re navigating for the first time or without your usual resources. It would make sense that the holidays could leave you feeling more lonely and isolated because you can’t spend it with the loved ones you usually do. It’s possible you’ll feel more depressed this season as you face a heavier wave of what you feel like you’ve lost this year or experience hopelessness that there is no clear end in sight. Anxiety may be spiking this season as you worry about the virus spreading as we’re forced back indoors or people gather in larger groups for the holidays. If you’re experiencing any of these feelings, know that this is normal and that you’re not alone. Anticipate that any or all of these feelings could pop up and have a plan for how you will cope if they do. Here are a few suggestions to try:

• Identify a “safe person.” Who will you reach out to and express how you’re feeling who will listen without judgment? 
• Don’t go it alone. Even if you can’t celebrate with your normal crew, plan now for who you can spend time with.
• Take care of your body. While we often say things like “calories don’t count” or “I’ll start that in the new year,” but consider now more than ever what routines you will start or maintain around regular exercise, eating healthy foods, and regular sleep. 
• Give yourself the gift of support and start therapy. We’d love to help you navigate this season in ways that are personal to you, so please give us a call at (443) 574-4295 if you’d like to schedule an appointment with one of our talented therapists. 

Wishing You Hope

At Milestones, we hope that this season you can embrace the tension of both loss and gain, sorrow and joy, and that despite all the changes and challenges this year that you would be filled with gratitude for the things you still have. We want to normalize and acknowledge whatever you may be feeling in this unprecedented time and encourage you to continue to prioritize your own mental health as we move into the holiday season. Happy Holidays from the Milestones family to yours!